Kicking off our MAD SCIENTISTS triple feature, we’re traveling deep into the Great White North with horror author Don Campbell to meet the lonely lunatic, Howard Howe, and his human-walrus abomination, in Kevin Smith’s TUSK, starring Justin Long, Michael Parks, Haley Joel Osment, Genesis Rodriguez, Lily-Rose Depp, Harley Quinn Smith, and Johnny Depp.
Kicking off our MAD SCIENTISTS triple feature, we’re traveling deep into the Great White North with horror author Don Campbell to meet the lonely lunatic, Howard Howe, and his human-walrus abomination, in Kevin Smith’s TUSK, starring Justin Long, Michael Parks, Haley Joel Osment, Genesis Rodriguez, Lily-Rose Depp, Harley Quinn Smith, and Johnny Depp.
Check out Don's new book Midnight Harvest on Amazon!
Find Don on social media here!
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Today we kick off our Mad Scientist triple feature with Kevin Smith's Flipper Frankenstein Freak show. Limbs are being hacked. Sanity is being cracked. And a Justin long horror movie character is once again putting himself into it. Shut up Jimmy! Oh, God. Okay. Sorry, but that's fucked up. So what's limbs are being hacked? Sandy's being cracked, and a Justin Long horror movie character is once again putting himself into harm's way.
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As we travel deep into the great White north to meet the lonely lunatic Howard Howe and his human walrus abomination in Tusk. You're listening to how I Met Your Monster, a podcast that explores the introductions to your favorite movie monsters. My name is Zack. I'm Danny and I'm Casey. And together, we dive into the world of horror to find out how filmmakers have introduced us to our favorite monsters time and time again.
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This is how I Met Your Mother.
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Because you own it. We met him 15 years ago. I was told there's nothing left for you explorers in the regions are experience humans to solve ages to others. Here we go.
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Oh. Surprisingly. Come on. No! We can get.
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Welcome to how I Met Your Monster, the show where we discussed introductions to your favorite movie monsters. Today we are kicking off a brand new triple feature called Mad Scientists. We. We really just went very crazy and get creative with this triple feature title. It is all about mad scientists, and we are kicking it off today, with a movie that is very near and dear to my heart.
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And I think we're going to find out that it is very far outside of Danny's whole. Yeah, this movie was restricted. We have very few off limit movies. We have two of them. This is a movie that Danny. This is a movie that Danny has refused to watch. And finally, I don't know what broke the, broke the barrier, but we got through to him, and he.
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He decided to watch Tusk, and he made a bargain with you of some sort? Yeah, he did make a bargain. Deal with the devil. Yeah, I don't remember. It was a very good deal, because it wasn't a very good deal. Because I don't remember what it was. I got like that, like, don't. The stakes were. I don't know what the benefits were.
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I just. But I will say, just to be clear, it wasn't off the table because I wasn't into like, I love Kevin Smith, I love Justin Long, I love, Michael Parks. Yeah. It was more to do with, I've mentioned this in the past. Is the thing that and maybe, maybe I need to just, like, sidestep this because the whole point of our show is to talk about horror movies.
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Is that this, like, whole concept of, like, losing autonomy is, to me, like one of the most horrific things. I mean, like, down to even this, I don't know, this counts as autonomy, but like we've talked about in the past of just foster phobia is one of my biggest fears and phobias. It just like being we also talked about being, like, stuck in a straitjacket.
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It just the idea of I can't move, I can't do anything. All my faculties are sort of out of my control, so. Yeah, that's it has nothing to do with, I love walruses, too, by the way. Like, that's it's also nothing to do with with that. Well, well, we are not taking this journey into the great White North alone.
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We are joined today by a very special guest, Don Campbell. From across the pond. You are in London? Well, I'm in Surrey, but. Okay. People from the US sort of clamber all of England into London, I think. I'm just not far from London. Okay. Yes. And I am very much one of those stereotypical people from the US.
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Well, I'm not I mean, I'm not like a Maga guy. That's. Oh, well, now we're fucking Americans. I am so scared. I am, I'm, I am so scared. Yeah, that people like, I have such, like, a deep insecurity about other people in the world thinking that I am part of all of this stuff just because I live in America.
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And I'm like, please, I'm one of the good guns. I'm one of the good ones. Like all these billions of people that's like, the bad ones always says, like, oh, I'm a big believer. It doesn't know us guys, doesn't know us, and you can't give him this image of me. I think that one of the biggest views that I get from the UK, looking into the US is isn't like the good first, the bad or the, left first right.
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To me it's how polarizing it seems. People seem to have to be all in one camp or we're all in another. We don't really get to hear the the politically homeless. They're the people that, have great respect for both sides. Sure. Yeah. The nuance. But we only see the like, really far right in the really far left.
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Gotcha. You know? Yeah, 100%. But we are also very much absorbed by American culture because most of our TV, most of our music comes from the US. So, okay, we also have a big connection there. Yeah. God damn. I told us, I said last time that I wasn't going to talk about politics. I'm not going to fucking talk about politics.
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Let's immediately kick about politics. I got to be fair. To be fair, the last Kevin Smith movie we did was it was maybe the most political movie we've ever done. Yeah, we did state, state, we did Red state. Yeah. So we're like, it's hard not it's also hard not to talk about it. Yeah. It's like it's a political podcast.
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Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. How are you? Your monster in the monster is in as a movie related as it used to be. Yeah, it's very relevant, but. Okay, I'm done with that. I'm done. I got it out of my system. We're moving on. Done. You are a horror author. I was a little bit about, your books, so I have.
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I released my debut piece of work this year. It's a collection of short stories. Horror stories. They the each story in the collection is very different. I've designed them specifically to trigger different elements of people's fear. I've tried to make sure that there wasn't the same thing scaring you in each story. If I make gotcha. Yeah.
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Yeah. It was born by mistake. I was actually writing a novel and was taking a break from it and writing some silly stories just to distract my brain and let the, let the novel breathe. Sure. But the collection of short stories grew quicker than the novel did so before release. First. Awesome. So, what's your muse?
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Yeah. What's the title? What's the title of your, So the, for my short story collection is Midnight Harvest. It's going to be a series. So this is volume one. I'm already working on volume two, but, I my brain thinks of ideas quicker than I can write, so short stories means I can move on to the next one quite quickly.
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But it also means that my my character development is a little bit shallow in the short stories, because you don't have time to explore it too much. So listeners, purchase the book now, can they read it anywhere? Yep. So you can get it on Amazon. You can, you can get it. I think it's next day on Amazon.
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There's also an audio. If you've got audible, you can, listen to it as an audiobook. I had a great, an amazing, audio talker. Narrator. An amazing narrator. Nick. Nick Johnson read the book, and he's an artist. He he gave voice to what I was hearing when I was writing. So he done a very good job of that.
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That's why it's so exciting to hear someone else bring your, like, what was in your head to life. Yeah, and I was I was dreading having to go back to him a lot and say that's not what that person sounds like. But I had very, very little input other than the words, the actual development of it. He just sort of knew exactly what I wanted and ran with it, which was amazing.
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Well, that's a that's a testament to your writing, though, because obviously what you put on the page, he was able to interpret correctly. So kudos. I really like you, Danny. Hey he's also a writer Gasps people. And that's what I do I'll pay you later. Yeah yeah. Under the table. Like we're just you see me like a wink at him.
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Just we we planned this just came. We did not plan this. Awesome. Well, we will put a link to, your book, in our show notes so our listeners can, can check that out and purchase a thank you very much. Absolutely. And speaking of show notes, if you are not subscribed to our show on, Apple, Spotify, wherever you get your podcasts, hit that subscribe button so that you don't miss fun episodes like Tusk.
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Like I said, this movie is so near and dear to my heart because just like Kevin Smith who had I'm comparing myself to fucking Kevin Smith. Who? He thought he was done with filmmaking when he made this movie. So Red state was his last feature film in 2011, and he had sworn off filmmaking. He said he was done.
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And then, on a podcast, some podcast famously number 259, The Walrus and the Carpenter. Him and Scott Mosier came up with this idea. Well, they read a, a classified ad, that sparked an idea and said, hey, let's make this into a horror movie. And, it really reinvigorated his love of filmmaking. And he got back into the game and going back to my comparison of that, I had grown up ever since I was very young with, in the horror genre, and that was my go to genre.
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I was all about horror movies. And then in 2005, it was right before college. I was out of high school and like, hostile came out and it was like all that torture porn stuff. And I was like, I'm just kind of like, I don't know if it was just like a point in my life where I was like, maturing or something, but I was like, I'm done with this.
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Like, it's too gross. What are you saying? Hostiles. Immature? No, Casey is gonna see a therapist. No, that's not what I'm saying at all. But I was just, like, I tuned out. And so it had been a long time. And then 2014, when Tusk came out, I don't know how I got wind of it, but I, I was super excited, and I.
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Did you listen to the podcast first? I didn't know, so you were found. I found it like I read it. Yeah, it was before it came out. So, like, I was like, maybe it was like on Twitter or something with the whole walrus. Yes, walrus know thing. And, so I got really excited because I was a big Kevin Smith fan and went to see it in the movie theater, and it just blew me away.
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I was so amazed, like, and just like, it was so fucking weird. Like when you see walrus. Walrus, when you see Wallace as a walrus for the first time, I was just like, my mind was fucking blown and I loved it. And then I went and just jumped headfirst back into the horror genre. And, and here we are, not unlike Wallace, not unlike Mike Wallace.
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So, yeah, this movie is very special to me. Danny, I know you had some issues with it. Done. Are you a fan of Tusk? I enjoyed it, however, I didn't really find it scary. Okay. Yeah. I think the. I'm definitely not a director of anything, but I think if they had some, if they made the images once he was fully turned slightly more obscured.
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So you didn't get to see like the first image we got of him was like, how the crystal clear, great lighting. Yeah, man. Puppets. Yeah, yeah, yeah, there's just, like, full on it. Right on the face. Yeah. I think if they if they made it. So you slowly got the image of him, it might have added to the mystique.
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Sure. But I remember the first time I watched it and he just pops up on the screen. And I almost spat out what I was drinking like that is. That's ridiculous. Bob, had you never seen photos beforehand, you went. No, I deliberately went in blind. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Awesome. So that classic image of, the walrus with the crazy scientist draped over him, sort of like, oh, I.
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Yeah. But I hadn't seen the most I'd seen is the front cover, and it doesn't really give you anything that's on top of human heads and tusks, but. Yeah. But the concept is very disturbing. Oh, totally. Yeah. For sure. No. Danny, had you seen images, Danny, before you watched? Yes. Okay. Yeah. Okay. I had seen there had been a lot of buildup, and I'm with Don in terms of the the reveal and the I mean, yeah, definitely constitutes as a horror movie.
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Leans more into, like, the body horror and the like it just being really disturbing and strange rather than being scary necessarily. And obviously that's subjective, but, I also feel like this movie is not afraid to call itself a comedy to I'm sure. I think the thing is, is we always say we're not here to criticize. So that is not what I'm doing.
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It's more about, I think, to explain my reservations about watching this movie came from the buildup, you know, kind of the anticipation and it's like we always say it's like, you know, the shark in jaws is scarier before you see it because you're imagining what this thing is and all that. Yeah. I thought the movie was different.
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I, I didn't realize what I knew, I knew it, I was watching, and I was like, Danny thinks that this is going to be some, like, serious thing, and it's just the corniest shit I've ever seen. Yes. And I didn't know that he would become a walrus so soon, and that the because I didn't listen to the podcast and they explained they spoil it in the podcast where it's like he becomes the walrus and the rest of the movie is him and the the Howard, just kind of living together and doing their walrus human things.
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But I thought in my head I was imagining scenes where I thought it would be a slower build, where one day Howard works on the hand. So maybe he has to contend with the fact that he had his hands up change. And then one day. And it keeps heightening. And then one day he wakes up and his legs are sewn together, and maybe he it's like he's trying to escape and you're seeing, you know, because they talk a lot about, like, humanity and losing humanity and what that means.
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I thought we were going to see more of like a, like a degradation of that rather than just straight up, just like, full stop, like we're here, which is fine. Again, like, this isn't a criticism. It's just a I my brain. It took me a second to calibrate and be like, that's what this is. Which I guess because there are a lot of compare.
00;16;27;07 - 00;16;47;24
And Kevin Smith even compares it to The Human Centipede. I guess that also talking about a movie I've never seen, because I refuse play and I'm not sure we're going to do it like next. Yeah. But like I guess that one too is just sort of like also the shock value of you're safe. Oh, no. Look what we've turned you into.
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And now for the rest of the movie, we're going to kind of, you know, deal and content with that. So yeah, just my, my own mind kind of working against me and building it up because. Yeah, Casey is right. It was not the it's not big like in theory, but. Well, visually, it's just it's a gag.
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I mean, yeah, I mean, that was a criticism. I think the idea is a gag. It doesn't look real whatsoever. No, I think is the problem, but. Yeah. Right. Yeah. I had a interesting thought, which is my brain tries to fill in plot holes. This just what my brain is engineered to do from writing is to fill in slight plot holes.
00;17;36;01 - 00;18;09;29
The one that I couldn't put away was that he became a walrus and pretty effective for someone just watching someone together. So my thought. Yeah. Oh, I wanted to know where they got the excess skin. I think all the people they had killed before. But what they in the water? Yeah. Yeah. You see the one guy in the water with, like, I say, guy like he's, you know, had become a, a horse and he just said it's a horse to you.
00;18;10;24 - 00;18;37;15
Yeah. You don't is. Good. God, Howard, how did not sit on that? Island and almost died. He, his friend, his walrus friend for you. The mistake I've always been for a man. True, true. Yeah. Yeah, I think, yeah, there is some, like, some definite plot holes in it. I think Casey is right, that it was like, from the other people that he had tried, but, I guess he didn't get very far.
00;18;37;15 - 00;19;00;03
Or, like, how did the skin stay? Like skin? Wouldn't it, like, dry out or just become a little. Yeah. Yeah. Know that's the thing is, it's funny because I went into this window wanting to see the grotesque skin like that, but as I'm watching it, yeah, like, I, I would have seen more discovery. Like maybe just a Wallace, finds like, first of all, spoiler alert.
00;19;00;05 - 00;19;24;14
I love that scene when he finds the other, dead walrus, man or whatever it is. Yeah, yeah. He careful. The water walrus. I mean, oh, my God, I miss. Yeah. Like that, like moments like that. Like, if he had found, I don't know, like where, wherever a serial killer might store and maintain skin, you know, like something like that.
00;19;24;14 - 00;19;43;03
Like, whatever his process is. Freeze or something. Yeah, yeah. Like that. Like how fucked up that would be to, like, find these little. Maybe even before he gets again. I'm. I'm doing what I'm. We're now going to create an alternate version of this movie in the same way that Kevin Smith created the movie on the podcast, but, yeah, yeah.
00;19;43;05 - 00;20;06;14
Which, you know, speaking of that, it is just so wild to me to listen to that episode of that podcast and, you know, here in a minute I'm going to read a little excerpt from the actual ad, but, they get this ad on Gumtree. Now, is that an actual is Gumtree like a thing in the UK? Like an actual classified thing?
00;20;06;14 - 00;20;31;17
Kind of like look at Craigslist in the United States, I guess. Yeah, it's like Craigslist. Yeah. So he read this ad and, you know, ultimately it turns out that the ad was a hoax. It was written by a guy, a guy named Chris Parkinson, who just like, put it up there as a joke. But, then on the episode, they just like, they read this and then they just, like, develop this movie in real time.
00;20;31;19 - 00;20;55;04
And it's so fun to listen to that episode after you see the movie because it's like, oh, shit. Like they literally did, just like everything that they it's like they did no extra work. Yeah, yeah. But like the fact that they flesh out a movie like, oh, we could have this walrus guy and this, and then he goes into enclave and then he does this, and it's just like the whole movie's laid out and they just, like, came up with it.
00;20;55;07 - 00;21;18;21
And I just thought, it's just it's so fun. It is interesting to hear Kevin Smith, you can see that he's been in this industry for a while because he you can see him mapping it out and being like, oh yeah, this is where this has to happen. And what if we did this? I was like, whether you like Kevin Smith's movies or not, I have to say it was it was, it was it was fun to get into, to be in the room, the room where it happened, as it were.
00;21;18;23 - 00;21;42;24
Yeah. Yeah, totally. Casey, tell us about your experience with Tusk. I think I saw it when it was in theaters. Okay. And then I did not watch it again until this time around. But I basically remembered everything because really, honestly, there's not much to this movie. Yeah, I don't have a feeling about it. Oh, is it like, interesting?
00;21;42;24 - 00;22;02;21
You mean you're numbed by it? Yeah. No. It's fine. More scenes. Like. I don't dislike it. I don't love it. Okay. I do like, you know, if anything, obviously. Like, I wish that it was more realistic because I want to be actually, like, grossed out, you know. Yeah. I like a lot of weird movies. This movie is so fucking weird.
00;22;02;21 - 00;22;20;19
Like, I was watching it and I could not. I was like, with this, I like this might be one of the weirdest films to exist. It is. So I was going to think it's the weirdest one we've done on the show. Everything about it is it's fucking bonkers. Everything about it. Yeah. It's just so strange. Yeah. It's like knowingly.
00;22;20;25 - 00;22;48;06
Like it knows what it is. Yeah, of course, of course it does. But it's just so I, I don't know. Yeah, I don't know I don't get it, I get it. Yeah. It's also deeply cynical like in you Hear it again like Kevin Smith reinforces that whole theme in the episode where it's like, you can tell it's fucking these people so much, but said in the movie, but he does it in a way.
00;22;48;08 - 00;23;10;10
I guess he's always kind of done that because even in clerks, you're seeing like, every customer who come meet out, every customer, but you're seeing it from the perspective of, what are the names? Who who run Randal and Dante. Thank you. Yeah. It's like that's basically Kevin's POV. Oh yeah. Society. And oh yeah, it plays it that a lot.
00;23;10;10 - 00;23;30;27
And this is yeah, even even in clerks, he says this job would be great if it wasn't for the fucking customers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you think that's a little bit why like why he made Wallace so easily hatable I think so. Like. Yeah, that's the question. I don't want to feel sorry for him. Really did. Yeah. Right.
00;23;30;27 - 00;23;52;28
I, I don't think he was I don't think this was the kind of movie where he was like, I want people to feel conflicted or, you know, we were talking about nuance earlier. I don't think he wanted it. Yeah, it is just I mean, literally down to the name of their podcast. Yes. Like, no. Like these people have no.
00;23;53;01 - 00;24;23;23
If they have self-awareness, it's there's no self-criticism or deprecation or anything. It's just like it's very selfish. It's in which makes it very. Yeah. Hatable. Yeah. Yeah. He is truly despicable. Yeah. Like the only real like humanity we get from Wallace is through Allison. And it's the way she sees him. And even she is struggling to, you know, find the humanity in it.
00;24;23;25 - 00;24;50;27
Yeah. She's only talking about the old Wallace. Oh, yeah. Group. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. So I felt I felt more sorry at moments in the filming about Howard. Then I did so I felt worse. Okay. Psychopath. Yeah I like that for the victim. He has the horror. He cared more about the walrus that he lost than Wallace.
00;24;50;27 - 00;25;16;11
Cared about his girlfriend. Yeah. Or anyone else. Yeah. Yeah yeah yeah. Because Howard like was broken down. I mean, they literally even open up with him that he's. He was a soldier. He was doing something that is on paper, you know, just like object. It's like a selfless act to fight for something bigger than yourself. So, like, we're kind of painting this picture of him as someone who.
00;25;16;11 - 00;25;40;17
And then he's lost at sea, and he. I'm sure I'll muddle the whole backstory a little bit because my brain was struggling. I was like, what am I watching? But, yeah, the fact that he even found humanity or like a sense of humanity, I guess, in his relationship with a non-human, you know, like with an animal, the best thing to Dan's point is always good.
00;25;40;23 - 00;26;05;03
Team Howard, up until he ate the walrus. Yeah, exactly. I was like, you clearly didn't love it that much. Yeah, he's the most human. That is, like, the most human thing you could have done from Kevin Smith's, like, cynical, like, perspective is. Yeah, destroy what you love. Yeah. Because you need to survive. It's like, oh, do you need to survive?
00;26;05;03 - 00;26;27;17
Like, more than this? Yeah. All right. So this is an interesting conversation to be had about humanity from this movie. It's just not, I guess Wallace being not being having humanity I guess adds to that conversation, but, Sure. Yeah. All right, all right. Kevin Smith, we see you. Well let's see. I am going to read real quickly.
00;26;27;17 - 00;26;48;20
I'm going to read a little bit of, the actual ad that was on Gumtree. From June 11th, 2013. I am looking for a lawyer in my house. I have had a long, interesting life and have now chosen Brighton as a location for my retirement. There's a few more, niceties, I guess. And then it says,
00;26;48;23 - 00;27;11;28
I now find myself in a large house overlooking Queen's Park, and I'm keen to get a lawyer. This is a position I am prepared to offer for free on the fulfillment of some conditions I have. Over the last few months, I've been constructing a realistic walrus costume, which should fit most people of average proportions and allow for full and easy movement in character to take on the position.
00;27;11;28 - 00;27;33;27
As my lodger, you must be prepared to wear the walrus suit for approximately two hours each day. Whilst in the walrus costume you must be a walrus. There must be no speaking in a human voice, and any communication must entail making utterances in the voice of a walrus. I believe that there are recordings available on the web. To me, the voice is the most natural thing I have ever heard.
00;27;34;00 - 00;27;51;11
Other duties will involve catching and eating fish and crabs that I will occasionally throw to you whilst being the walrus. Wow. So it goes on to say that, you know, when you're not the walrus, you can do whatever you want, but for the two hours every day that you're in the walrus costume, that's what you're going to be.
00;27;51;14 - 00;28;16;06
That's. I'm going to go out on a limb and say, going by English rent prices for two hours a day of work to cover your rent. I bet that that advert got responses. Yeah. So the the man I personally like putting on a walrus know just in response to that said the man who made it, Chris Parkinson like again, I had mentioned earlier, ended up being like a hoax.
00;28;16;06 - 00;28;41;26
He just did it as a joke, but he got over 400 responses to that ad. Can you believe that? Talk about saying something about humanity. Yeah, that's yeah. That's why if money were cosplaying a walrus. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, like, the cosplay community is pretty big at that point. If you're in that world and you're looking to save some money, is it still a furry.
00;28;41;28 - 00;29;01;28
Oh yeah. So this comes back. That's calls back to a conversation we had recently on our critters episode. Yeah. If, if the animal you choose to be does not have fur, are you still considered a furry? Yeah. I don't remember where we got or a slimy. Yeah, I think we said. I think we said a slinky. A slinky.
00;29;02;01 - 00;29;39;11
Did you say a slinky? Yeah. Those squishy. Oh. Okay. So with, with that being the set up of our whole movie that this whole thing is based on, what do you guys say we journey to the great White north, head to Pippy Hill, and, meet some fucking walruses. Let's do it. Okay. Let's go to.
00;29;39;14 - 00;29;50;27
You.
00;29;51;00 - 00;30;26;18
So for Tusk, we have six official monster reveals. And if you are new to the show, a monster reveal is any time that the monster in the movie is revealed to us as an audience or, to a character in the movie, and, we sort of have two monsters going on here in this one. I can't you mean, you know, Wallace definitely fits into our real monster category, which we'll get to at the end, but we're going to start off with Wallace making it to A.P. Hill, and he is introduced to Howard Howe.
00;30;27;12 - 00;30;57;22
And they enjoy a cup of tea. Now, at this point, like, even when Wallace gets into the house, he's such just like, he's such a prick, you know what I mean? Like, you just like the little things he's doing. Like, just touching stuff. Just touching stuff. Yeah. And, I genuinely watched that and thought to myself, like, I can't imagine ever walking around someone's house and just picking their ornaments up off their fireplace.
00;30;57;25 - 00;31;24;03
Right? Yeah. I was like that. That was. I thought it was very well written for you to hate him that much, but I thought, what's this? And then. Yeah, mocking. Not directly, but clearly mocking Howard. Yeah. Like he obviously saw him as a is a lesser than because he was in a wheelchair. Totally. Totally. So we'll see him go.
00;31;24;04 - 00;32;02;23
Yeah. It goes back to them. And the podcast that he hosts with, Haley Joel Osment character is the kind of bread and butter of their show. The focus and everything is sort of calling negative attention out to people, sort of, yeah, like making them feel bad about themselves and laughing at their expense. Sure. So it just very there's also this kind of, commentary on, I don't know if I'd go so far as to say a commentary, but the idea of, like, annoying Americans, you know, they even when in the fact that you would they go to Canada, where Canada has this reputation for being very gentle and sweet.
00;32;02;25 - 00;32;36;15
And the first thing, like one of his first interactions is with, the two, very clerks like characters. Which are, actually Johnny Depp's daughter. And I believe that that's Kevin. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or they're just like, I fucking hate Americans because he's doing every, like, stereotypically annoying Americanisms. Right? Which, yeah, which is makes it even easier to to to hate him, to hate him into whatever the opposite is to not sympathize with them.
00;32;36;18 - 00;33;08;08
Yeah. And, you know, the two clerks there that you said were, Harley, which is, Kevin Smith's daughter and Lily-Rose Depp, who was just in Nozpheratu. Oh, that's right too. Yeah. They would reprise these roles that year later in Yoga Hosers. But this was that was part of his True North trilogy was Tusk, Yoga Hosers, and now he is in apparently, according to IMDb, he's in pre-production on Moose Jaws, which he describes as jaws, but with a moose.
00;33;08;10 - 00;33;37;09
And so, I've been looking forward to that for years. But anyways, yeah, I wanted to point that out that that's funny, that those those clerks make a make a comeback in the next movie. Okay. But, yeah, one of the things that I love about, Wallace entering Pippy Hill, right, is that he's driving there as soon as he pulls into the driveway, his GPS says, you have arrived at your destination.
00;33;37;11 - 00;34;00;09
And I just absolutely love that because it's just like, this is it, buddy. This is. Yeah. You're done. This is your destination point of no return. That's not true. He ends up at the zoo thing. Well. But lovely. So the walrus does. This is Wallace's destination. I know, but, I just love that little detail that, you know, you just here, you.
00;34;00;09 - 00;34;18;08
You've arrived at your destination, and I just. I get chills, like when it's the. It's like, oh, fuck, you are done, man. About it. But yeah, you know, going back to the to the scene at hand, you know, like you talked about the fireplace when like, he steps up on the fireplace to reach the wall and was just like, oh, God, you're so rude.
00;34;18;11 - 00;34;38;24
Like, that's why you're so this is such a dumb tangent, you guys. And I'm so sorry, but I had made notes. They kept showing, Wallace urinating. There's like a couple scenes where he, they, like, focus on it. So I was like, okay. So I was like, Chekhov's bladder, kind of. I thought we were going somewhere. I was like, okay, he's going to be a walrus, so we're probably going to see something.
00;34;38;28 - 00;35;03;22
And then they introduced, what was it called the, the, the penis bone, the back get back column, I think. Yeah. So when they did that, I was like, I wonder if there is a deleted scene where you see, because they keep building, there's so much buildup that I thought they were going to pay it off. Where you see him with that, maybe not that same, bone that's on the wall.
00;35;03;28 - 00;35;21;02
And I thought there was going to. I'm not saying this is like something I wanted to see or would be like, something anyone wanted to see. But just in terms of, like, story building, I thought that's what we were going, but it didn't. But yeah, I know, I just thought it was kind of, kind of strange. And I wanted to highlight that, maybe, maybe in Moose Jaw as well.
00;35;21;04 - 00;35;28;16
We'll get a nod to that. Yeah. Yeah, maybe. Fingers crossed.
00;35;29;10 - 00;35;51;22
Okay, let's see here. Let's jump to our, Oh, you know, before we move on, I did like the mix of Kevin Smith's writing and Michael Parks. His delivery is just this scene. Like, you know, it's just two dudes talking for, like, 15 minutes. But, yeah, it's captivating, you know, like, it doesn't, at least for me.
00;35;51;22 - 00;36;11;00
Like, I didn't lose, you know, it didn't lose my attention. And he did the same thing in red state. Like, there is a super long monologue that Michael Parks has in Red state, and you just don't tune out. You're just, like, sucked into it because the writing is so good and his his acting is so good. And it's just it's awesome.
00;36;11;00 - 00;36;32;14
Well, you guys know I always have to fall asleep during the movies. Oh, God. This is so. That is where I fell asleep. Oh, and then I woke up. That was what got me. No, I fell asleep while they were talking. Well, to be fair, he is trying to kind of lull him to sleep. You know, he has like that by that point as the drugs in his system.
00;36;32;14 - 00;36;51;10
So he is kind of in a sense, it's working, reading him a lullaby. Are those the only two movies that Michael Parks and Kevin Smith did together? Yeah. As far as I know, it was just Red state, and, and this is, it's sort of like Michael Parks, the surprising fit. That is what the internet is saying.
00;36;51;12 - 00;37;20;02
Yeah. Because I was going to say it's sort of like it could be like his the Robert De Niro to his Scorsese, but I guess, no, Jason Mewes would fill that role. Yeah. So while this next scene is not an official reveal, I did want to talk about the scene where he wakes up in the chair and Howard is talking to him about, the spider and Doctor Muska and all these things, and he looks down and he sees that his leg is gone and it's just so cool.
00;37;20;02 - 00;37;37;26
Like, I love the zooms in this movie, how they do a lot of zoom outs to do some cool reveals. And, you know, he says he just yells like, my leg is off. And I just, I love that. But it's so ironic because he went there to Canada to make fun of a kid for cutting his leg off.
00;37;38;24 - 00;38;03;24
And now he's the one who gets his like cut off. And I just love the, the irony in that. And this was the kill Bill kid which is out in another funny little connection to that is Michael Parks was in kill Bill volume two. Yeah, yeah. Abby's the same character. Yeah. Yeah, he, he would, you know, we find out later that he was he had some different personalities throughout his life.
00;38;03;24 - 00;38;27;23
So, yeah, his his story about his experience with the real life walrus is sort of like Kevin Smith's version of Quentin Tarantino's Christopher Walken monologue about, watch the pocket watch. Yeah, the pocket watch. Yeah, there's a universe here, and it's it feels, Well, now, I'm not going to do it, Casey. I'm not going to do it.
00;38;27;26 - 00;38;50;10
I don't have enough evidence to to support a full on. When do you ever. When we do have when we do a conspiracy theory of the week. It is sound. There are no holes. No, Danny, when when we're watching the scene, I say, Danny, I could any of you, Did you keep it up? Let's keep. Yeah. What the fuck was that about?
00;38;50;13 - 00;39;14;10
Well, I think I discussed that. We have a guest here. I know, that's why I stopped Casey. Because Danny is so critical. Casey. He's talking about how he was being rude. We're talking about Wallace being rude. What did you say? Did I say please stop? He's talking to me. You know what, you guys? All right, this question is open to, to the room for discussion.
00;39;14;12 - 00;39;43;01
Thank you. Did anybody realize that he was polishing Wallace? His leg bone in that scene? And I don't even know what. Senior high. No, no, it's, Yeah, I, I picked up shortly after the scene. I was like, okay, how is he getting where did he get the tusks from? Because we actually found out that the original walrus had passed away, so.
00;39;43;03 - 00;40;06;25
Oh, yeah. We hadn't known that. Yeah. So I thought, well, if he likes horses so much, why why does he have, like, tusks? And then I was like, yeah, that's probably his leg. Yeah. Okay. Makes sense. Yeah. I just say that's one of the most disturbing parts of it is they they mentioned this later. He's. I kept the Egyptian.
00;40;07;00 - 00;40;31;15
I mean, all my notes were just Johnny Data guy one, because he mentions that specific way when he says they mentioned something about, like, they somehow got his, like, bones and like what? What did he need the bones for? Something. Then when your brain starts being together like, oh yeah, why that little detail disturbed me that. Yeah, but yeah, he would say that all the, the people that they found would have holes in their mouths.
00;40;31;15 - 00;40;51;18
And then in one of them in Gregory Gum Tree, which is a nod to the oh, to the, to the site where they found the ad. The he found a piece of his tiba tiba tiba tiba in the in the thing. Yeah. This is like way off topic, but imagine how uncomfortable Justin Long was in this.
00;40;51;23 - 00;41;16;18
This. Oh, sure. Oh, my God, I had just been so horrible. Can we just give a shout out to, Justin Long to be in that suit? How uncomfortable. Yeah. So it wasn't a suit. That was. Since body. Yeah, yeah. And a few other people. Yeah. You're right. My bad. But that would have been a sweat box.
00;41;16;21 - 00;41;38;09
Oh, yeah. Oh my God. So just every, Well, I was watching it. I was trying to think about what his body looked like inside of there. Like, what position was he in? Was he on all fours? I don't know, I'm guessing on his knees with his hands on the ground. Yeah, yeah. Like crouch sounds horrible. I actually got a little uncomfortable and I'm sure it was very safe.
00;41;38;09 - 00;41;58;06
But when because I knowing he's in like a suit and then when he's in the water. Oh yeah. Yeah that's about we're talking earlier about the lack of movement and all that scared me. Yeah. It doesn't matter how safe it is. That's terrifying. Well, you know, when he's on the table, when you first see him, like, sewing up his arms and stuff and he's on the table.
00;41;58;26 - 00;42;20;04
I was watching some some behind the scenes, and Justin Long's arms are like this, and they put, like, prosthetics over, the thing so that he was down. But it's still. And I like it, you know, his, you know, you don't see his legs, but they're like, clearly like they're in the table, like cut out. But but yeah, even just having your arms pinned down to your sides with the prosthetics on the sides, it's just.
00;42;20;07 - 00;42;40;19
Yeah. I just want to stretch my arms back there. I got freaked out by the face that was on his back. Oh, yeah? Yeah, part of the walrus suit that has the face on it. Yeah, it was like a it's like a nod to Texas Chainsaw Massacre or something. Sure. Like he was wearing. First of all, I was like, is that his face?
00;42;40;21 - 00;43;04;02
He's now just patched onto his back because. Oh, but then you could kind of still see it was him. Yeah. And then the other thing I questioned was, where did they get the whiskers? Oh, see, that's the that's those are the questions that again, it's the it's the . It's the mystery that makes it more disturbing. Yeah. Yeah.
00;43;04;13 - 00;43;29;20
Because it's not you get the whiskers. Yeah. He's like his nose is different. So there's like different other people's stuff on his face. Oh my God. And there's a lot to boot up eBay from a, like, a pretty average size shape. Man. He turned him into a 370 pound walrus. Yeah I wonder what else is in that with it.
00;43;29;20 - 00;44;01;08
That's a lot of packing. Yeah yeah. Just shoving it in there. The mackerel is very fattening. You know, we are getting a little bit ahead of ourselves because our second official reveal is actually the movies that self-sacrifice. Sorry, we can't help ourselves. There are a second official reveal is actually when Wallace finds out that he's fucked, because it's the the dinner scene where he now realizes that he doesn't have a leg.
00;44;01;22 - 00;44;19;24
He's still, like, coming to his senses from just being drugged. And, yeah, there are still seeds of doubt. Like, may be. Right. This is. Maybe Howard is telling the truth. And there really was a spider. It it might be too hard to believe. Or maybe it is true. Wallace said something like, there really wasn't a spider, was there?
00;44;19;24 - 00;44;38;24
And then Howard goes into his voice that he did of that kind of like, I don't know. Gila Putt calls him a simpleton later in the movie, so I don't know how else to describe it, but he does the itsy bitsy spider thing. And then Wallace is just like, oh my God, this is this is really happening.
00;44;38;24 - 00;44;58;16
This guy is fucked. I'm done. And then he says, you are truly a mad scientist. Yeah. And, Howard gets up from his chair and walks over to him and it's just like, oh, because at this point, we don't know that he can stand up. Even as an audience member. We've I've only seen him in his chair and it's just, it's so like it's cheeky of I think it's true.
00;44;58;18 - 00;45;31;07
Don mentioned, Texas Chainsaw Massacre reminds me when you get specifically in the remake, because in the original one, the the villains kind of present themselves as villainous and quote unquote crazy. Even earlier. But in the like with the sheriff and the family in the remake, that's the thing that's coming to mind is that turn where you're like, oh, I'm not only not safe, I'm with people who are like, they're, you know, like my idea of, like what a normal human interaction should be like.
00;45;31;15 - 00;45;51;02
Those rules have gone out the window. Yeah. It's what's scary. It's it's the the . Because then it's like now they can who knows? Like it's so unpredictable at that point. Like, we have no idea where this is going. Right. And walrus starts kind of keep calling him fucking walrus. I think that was the point. Just call me walrus.
00;45;51;02 - 00;45;56;03
I think he wants to be called. I think Howard would want that.
00;45;56;05 - 00;46;19;02
He, you know, he this is where we kind of find out that Ali and Teddy are together. Because there's, like, this whole thing with the phone calls, and we see, we get Genesis Rodriguez's great monologue where she's looking right into the camera, and we find out that her and Teddy kind of have a relationship because I don't know that, like, she knows that Wallace is cheating on her with all these people, and it's just a whole thing.
00;46;19;04 - 00;46;47;11
I thought that was really it, because it villainized the co-host didn't that he was he was almost sending Wallace away to go to fight because he never left. That was the whole point of the podcast. It's like, no, no, you go explore and leave me alone with your girlfriend. Yeah, yeah, that seemed like it was a big. But again, we still don't care.
00;46;47;19 - 00;47;06;05
No we don't. To the point. We don't care about Wallace. Yeah, they build up Wallace so much as being, like, a despicable person that you almost don't care that Teddy and Ali are doing the same thing there, you know? Yeah. Teddy is presented as, kind of like this savior character. Like, I'm like, I'll take care of you.
00;47;06;05 - 00;47;26;07
I'll rescue you from this horrible man. Was it a shock to any of you that she was sleeping with him at the reveal? Like, I, but I kind of just assumed it was him in the bedroom before he walked in. Know that was supposed to reveal. Yeah, but I but I was like. But I was thinking it was him anyway.
00;47;26;09 - 00;47;47;10
Yeah, yeah. I thought at that point it was pretty clear that that her relationship with Wallace was so broken and Teddy was seemed you could see it like in the just in his performance, I guess, like there is something going on. Yeah. And like, you know, you know, he his hand comes in frame and like puts, he puts his hand on the side of her face and then it cuts to immediately.
00;47;47;10 - 00;48;11;20
It cuts to Teddy laughing in the, in the podcast scene where they're, they're doing the thing and and you always tell us that you always say, like, you could tell Haley Joel Osment hand like in her. So here's the thing, though, for real. Like, I know you're making a joke, but that is very obviously his hands. Like, I know that that's a joke, but like, yeah, for real.
00;48;11;20 - 00;48;32;10
Yeah, it's very obviously Haley Joel Osment. Yeah. That's funny. Spoiler alert they had a hand up to for it. Yeah. It wasn't a disaster. No. Like in Forrest Gump when, he walks into the room, when his son or his son is watching the show before you, you don't even see his face. You just see the back of his head.
00;48;32;10 - 00;48;51;28
But Zach points out, he's like, oh, that's Haley Joel Osment saying, right? Yeah. Alert for all the people who haven't seen Forrest Gump. Yeah, 28 year old movie. But yeah, I don't remember. Like when I saw it for the first time, I don't know if I picked up on it when it cuts right to him. Doing the podcast.
00;48;52;00 - 00;49;11;01
And then they're talking about cheating, whether playing foosball or if it was revealed to me, like when he goes in to brush his teeth, like, later in the bathroom, I can't remember, my first reaction when I, when I saw it, but is it common in the US to have plug sockets in your bathroom? Oh yeah. We've got.
00;49;11;01 - 00;49;39;29
Yeah. How do you where do you plug in your bro dryer, bro. The bedroom. Okay. No. Oh really. Oh yeah. We have we we have like sometimes we have a two pronged, low voltage socket in all of the vanity mirrors. Okay, okay. That would allow for, like, an electric razor. But nothing there. There's no way you'd get a full powered appliance plugged into a bathroom in the UK.
00;49;40;02 - 00;50;00;23
Now we can put we put our toasters in there. You put in the back of the same lot. Oh, how is Chucky gonna kill Tiffany? Invite of Chucky? Yeah, I think there's the sensible. Yeah. See, you gotta work extra hard. You gotta make sure you really want. I remember thinking, why are they charging their phones in the back?
00;50;00;26 - 00;50;17;00
Yeah, I don't know why that, but but yeah, but yeah, we have outlets. Oh, yeah. It's it's common here. And like, they're supposed to be like. I don't think they all are, but they're supposed to be, like, regulated where it's like the plugs in the bathroom have like a, like a failsafe thing that they'll cut off if they get water in them.
00;50;17;00 - 00;50;34;02
It has like a, like a switch breakout. Yeah. Circuit breaker. Yeah. You know, I think in older buildings and stuff that, that they're just regular plugs, but, they're mostly they're in the bathroom for people who are using the bathroom, need their phone but forgot to charge it all day. They need to charge it whilst using the bathroom.
00;50;34;05 - 00;50;56;17
Yeah, yeah. No. But, you know, our third reveal is great because it goes from you finding out that was is such a piece of shit and the the cheating and all this stuff. And then we get to see that, like walrus. Yeah. I'm gonna keep, I'm going to keep doing that. I love what she does not like.
00;50;56;17 - 00;51;19;21
You're not trying to do a bit. No I'm not. It's just my, my brain Wallace is full walrus now. He hasn't gone there mentally but he is. He you know, he's he's fucked. He's in the suit. This is where it I was confounded. Why would he not be okay? I get it like we're we're programed to not want to die.
00;51;19;21 - 00;51;39;13
Like, so we're going to prevent we're going to. Oh no ourselves. We're going to. Why would he not, like, just let himself drown at that point? I don't know. Yeah, but he's literally it just seems so like the whole movie, I guess. I mean, spoiler alert for the ending, they keep him alive. It's just like. But the let him die.
00;51;39;13 - 00;52;02;17
Yeah. He's gone like, fucking drown myself before I ate that fucking fish. Yeah, yeah, like this is me. Do a new. We're literally using this as the third intro because we're we're reintroducing Walt Wallace in here. Fucking make me do it. Yeah. Reintroducing Wallace as a walrus so he really isn't human anymore. So the I think I would at least have let myself starve.
00;52;02;19 - 00;52;29;13
Yeah. He then eat that little fish. Yeah. He wasn't even a little. That's a that's a bad. It was a massive fish. Yeah. And now you've got tusks making it more difficult to eat said fish. Yeah I was, I don't. Yeah. Oh. Oh no, I'm not hungry. Yeah I wouldn't, he just waddles over and just like swiped it off into the water.
00;52;29;16 - 00;52;50;13
Yes. Nope. I'm just I'm intermittently fasting. Sorry. That's. Yeah. There was there was no resistance. He just kind of embraces it, like, there's, I mean, I guess there's some resistance, but. Yeah, maybe. And then he's like, all right, I may as well wait in Rome. Yeah, yeah. I just this was like me turning down cheesecake first and then my mom.
00;52;50;15 - 00;53;15;29
You know what? I really shouldn't. Okay, okay. Let me just get my tusks out the way it is. Yeah, man. Now I want cheese. Well, now, Ali and Teddy are on the hunt for Wallace. They realize he's in trouble. They go over to the UK, and, first they meet, detective, played by Ralph Garman, who is just so funny.
00;53;16;01 - 00;53;39;27
Did I say they go to the UK? You did? No, they go to Canada. If you guys follow Kevin Smith's podcast at all, him and Kevin Smith at a podcast called Hollywood Babylon. It was him and Ralph Garman and, Yeah. So a funny thing. His ringtone, Wallace is ringtone, that they play throughout the movie.
00;53;40;00 - 00;54;07;10
That is actually Ralph Garman from an episode of Hollywood Babylon doing an impersonation of Al Pacino asking for margaritas. Really? Unleash. Wow. Yeah. And it's funny. So it was the theme tune to their podcast, and that's why they sense. Oh, sure, that would totally make sense. That must be because they both their phones rang with the same tune.
00;54;07;12 - 00;54;27;24
Right? So I was like, oh, that just really quite vain. And what are their podcasts? Well, well, let me tell you this. Hey good idea. The opening for how it How We Met your Monster podcast. That's a good idea. Casey goes into it. So, you know, I don't know how to fucking do that. Yeah, you know, you have to do that for me.
00;54;27;24 - 00;54;54;20
I guess that's funny, but I just thought that was a fun little filmmaking, like, you know, a little nod in there to it's all about podcasters and this and that. You know, they P puts a little bit from one of his own podcasts in there. So but you know, ultimately they meet de la Puente. And when I saw this in the theater, that big push in as he's giving his his first introduction, I was like, I know this actor.
00;54;54;22 - 00;55;21;02
I'm like, who is this guy? And, it took me like a good, like five minutes to figure out that it was fucking Johnny Depp. So I had an interesting one. And it was, it's Michael Parks that plays Howard, isn't it? Yes. Yeah. For the first 20 minutes of him being on screen, I thought, have you guys seen, snatch?
00;55;21;04 - 00;55;46;04
Yes. Oh, yes. The great Ritchie movie. Yeah. Did you do you remember the chap called Brick Top? He was like, do you know what this means? Yeah, that I thought that was who was playing Howard. Okay. I'm not looking for that. I was like, how is he? Seems to have got younger to play this. Yeah, I know it's on my house.
00;55;46;08 - 00;56;09;04
He's not a really good but US accent. Yeah. And he was a great in snatch. He, he was the guy that like said the people to the pigs right. Yeah. Yeah yeah okay. Yeah. He's basically he's just one of the most sinister British gangster type people you could get. Okay. It was just. It was. So it would be fitting that he would play the most sinister Canadian.
00;56;09;07 - 00;56;30;06
Yeah, right. Psychopath. Yeah, yeah. My brain, my brain broke a few times in this movie. And one of the final moments of breakage was, the Johnny Depp I know had no idea he was in this movie. And there was, like, a weird. Yeah. And did it, like, when he came on screen, did you say, oh, that's Johnny Depp, or did it take you a minute?
00;56;30;09 - 00;56;52;27
I don't know, I think I recognized him, okay. I don't know, like I knew he was I know he's kind of putting out a voice and he looks a little different, but yeah, I don't know. I don't. Well, it's funny, you know, I think my brain was so slowly digesting the movie in general, that like registering whether or not it was Johnny Depp was part of that, like, slow process.
00;56;52;27 - 00;57;14;09
So I guess technically, no, it didn't come immediately. Well, you know, like, it's funny because Kevin Smith has worked with like some, some top notch talent. Right. And, the reason he got Johnny Depp to agree to this, their kids went to school together, Harley and Lily-Rose Depp went to school together. And that's how he met Johnny Depp.
00;57;14;15 - 00;57;42;01
Because they're kids in school, same school. And, apparently Johnny Depp agreed to do this. If he could do the voice and wear that nose prosthetic, which they thought looked like a penis, which in Yoga Hosers is even more pronounced in in this way when he replies, you know, like a penis. Yeah. We're we're googling that. Yeah. That's the second, penis nose that I can think of in a movie.
00;57;42;04 - 00;58;02;05
The other one being, Dan Aykroyd, Dan Aykroyd. Nothing but trouble. Nothing but trouble. That's no trouble. But yeah, if you if you look at his character in Yoga Hosers, it's like even it's even more so penis like. I don't see it. I just see I just see nose. Yeah, well, I don't know what kind of dicks you're looking at.
00;58;03;10 - 00;58;22;27
But yeah, this is this is Gila Point, and he, you know, has his telling us that he has been searching for Howard Howe for, for years. And it even got him kicked off the force because he's so, like, obsessed with this, finding the serial killer. And, this is our. What are we on number four? This is our fourth reveal.
00;58;23;07 - 00;58;46;07
It is a flashback where Guy Lapointe actually meets Howard. Howard. But, Howard was putting on a. Well, I mean, Howard Howe could be a also a, an alter ego, but persona. Persona? Yeah. But this was, what was his name? And Howard in this scene, he tells him, he tells me that, humans are like, humans are not like animals.
00;58;46;07 - 00;59;14;29
He says humans are animals. So, yeah, the seeds are being planted and his suspicions are. And he's also talked to the brown recluse. The same spider is in his toilet. So bit bit. What? What is his leg? Walrus. Right. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it was the same brown recluse spider. I don't know, that's the only spider they could think of at the time, but yeah, that was in the toilet.
00;59;15;01 - 00;59;42;20
I live in San Francisco, and someone had mentioned that brown recluses are, I don't know, they're like, running rampant, but they're around here. And then every time I see a spider. Oh, yeah, we have a bigger issue. But they're pretty prominent here in Oklahoma, too. We have no deadly things here. Oh, I know, that's awesome. Just like the the most dangerous thing we have, probably like deer during rutting season.
00;59;42;22 - 01;00;03;10
Oh, by the way, the deer have machine guns. They do make sense that they got a knife crime. Yeah. Heavily armored deer. Yeah. And foxes that. That's like the wild things that they have around here. And the fruit is a little bit bigger than a cat. And just. You have the most adorable enemies in your area. Yeah.
01;00;03;10 - 01;00;30;24
So sweet. So it's. Yeah, he does have dangerous spiders. Radio. Anything fun yet? No. That's good. You're good. Let's see here. Oh, yeah. Yeah. There. Me, I love, Iggy's like his whole attitude towards the. He's so, like, taken aback that this guy wants him to kill a spider. And he's like, he's like, I'm not authorized to shoot a bug.
01;00;30;27 - 01;00;50;11
It's like, it's so funny. But one of my, you know, speaking of funny lines from Johnny Depp's character, one of my favorite lines in this movie is when he's telling the story to Teddy and Allie and he's like, he's like, come closer, can you come closer? And they're like, they're not doing it. And he finally just like, can you come closer, please?
01;00;50;11 - 01;01;20;20
Like, come on. It's so funny, but came his characters as well as like, obviously he's friends. They got like, he wears the beret and everything. He's like, yeah, he might as well have had a baguette. Yeah, yeah, for sure. But it's such a caricature. It's so ridiculous. And over the top. Yeah. They start to, they start to work with Guy Lapointe to go find Waller, walrus, Walla Walla, Walla Walla, Walla Walla.
01;01;20;21 - 01;01;42;12
Well, at this point, this isn't a. Yeah. It's just. Yeah, it's, you you we got there and, so, so they take a trip to, to find him. And this is our fifth reveal. This is the big walrus. They. Oh, before we get to the walrus fight, then you were talking about, like, the the vacuum and the the peeing and all this stuff.
01;01;42;17 - 01;02;02;05
This is the first. Let's bring it back. Let's keep talking. Oh, no. This is the first time that I watching this movie last night. This is the first time that I thought, is he doing something because he pushes him down into the water. We find out that Howard Howe is naked, and then when he comes back up, his head had been like pushed into his suit.
01;02;02;05 - 01;02;18;17
And he has to, like, wiggle it out. Yeah. Did he, like, do something down there that, I never you don't think this man fucked him on that rock? You are out of your mind.
01;02;18;19 - 01;02;40;05
But they did say that Howard never did anything like that to the whole way through. Was like. Yeah, he they called it what they call him. Like, they they called him something because, like, he. But he didn't. Oh, he says they know they called him the first. He was the thing, the first light. Because he doesn't let you do anything and they never fuck you.
01;02;40;08 - 01;02;58;29
It's been it's funny if you've been married a few times, he didn't do anything to them because they were still human. Oh. That's a wanted to go walrus. All. Dang. Yeah. Wow. It's all coming together. But, Zach, what was your. I don't want to put you on the spot, but I just want to. And you don't have to clarify this when you.
01;02;59;01 - 01;03;20;25
What was the connection you're making between the penis bone in his head? Kind of like deflating into it. Oh, because I'll just say it. Was he face fucking him? Yeah. He said oh, did he put him under the water and stick his fucking Howard Howe cock into fucking while response fucking face this vacuum into while he's right. Now put that thing.
01;03;20;25 - 01;03;38;07
How did you not for that together clear as day so I don't know this is the first time I was like, oh shit. Did he do that? You know, I've seen this movie like, fucking ten times, and I like that. He's. I can just I feel like he would have. But there was the threat of being bitten, so maybe that was like the not maybe it's what he wanted, but I don't.
01;03;38;07 - 01;04;11;23
It's true. This man talked about how much he loved this walrus that he was stranded with. You guys don't think he was having sex with it. The how the whole situation reads like a kink, doesn't it? Really? Yeah. Someone dressed up as something for you, so. Yes. Yeah, absolutely. And we did mention on our critters two episode that just because you are a furry or a slinky or a slimy or you're not necessarily doing it for sex, but for someone like Howard, I would argue that there is a possibility that that is part of it.
01;04;11;26 - 01;04;41;21
Yeah, yeah, I think so. Yeah. Oh, Howard. Oh, Howard. How it's Howard. How could you do that? How could. But, here is our fifth reveal. This is the walrus fight, and it is played to the tune of the song Tusk by Fleetwood Mac. And and we're including this because he is now he is now kind of owned the fact he's accepted in his identity as a walrus.
01;04;41;21 - 01;05;08;04
Yeah. Because how? Even though we've met the walrus version, he's. We're meeting though, right. This is Wallace going full walrus. Yeah, yeah. Okay, Howard. Now, after now that he has finally fucked this walrus, he wants to fight him, I guess. And, so he has, like, his own suit, which is means he has more skin from other people that he he.
01;05;08;04 - 01;05;43;26
Wow. That's a lot of skin. But he makes his own suit, and he's got tests, and he says, we're going to fight. And, that was the tagline for this movie. Tusk. It's a lot of skin in, you know, and I, I, I don't want to say for sure because I can't I didn't do the research on this, but if memory serves me right, Kevin Smith had one time said that they spent like a quarter of their budget for this movie to get the rights to this song, to use, parts by Fleetwood Mac.
01;05;44;15 - 01;06;06;01
Again, don't fully quote me on that because I'm not positive. But I remember they spent a lot of money to get this song, and, and, I just love the, you know, you say it's a wacky movie and it's goofy and weird, and, this is for me, where it finally got just like the two walruses fighting to this, to this.
01;06;06;03 - 01;06;31;18
Almost like this is where the song gets weird. Yeah. I just loved it. I had lots of money left over from filming. I thought, we've got quite a bit of money. Yeah. What are we going to do? We go for this, to spend it on a song? It was. It might as well kind of moment. But you get some cool stuff with, with, Guy Lapointe and Teddy and Ali, like running through the house in the woods, and they've got their guns and they're making the.
01;06;31;19 - 01;06;58;19
You know, I talked about the zooms earlier, but it's like this, the zoom in and out as they're going through. And it just seemed, almost like a 70. It's funny movie from a storytelling perspective, because in most cases, you would think that the audience would at least have like some sense of possibility of hope for Wallace for like this, these people rescuing him, that maybe there's a chance they can actually physically rescue him and get the Wallace that they know back.
01;06;58;24 - 01;07;25;09
But we know he's already transformed. So it's sort of like this, like exercise in futility, kind of like we're watching them do this all chasing and there are stakes, but it's more like the stakes are, are is this trio going to be okay going into like the monsters layer, so to speak? Because at this point it's like, yeah, and Wallace is a walrus now.
01;07;25;09 - 01;07;48;06
Like you're good. We're like waiting for that, that discovery moment. Right. Which I just thought was interesting because it felt like a, a classic, climax for a horror movie, kind of like, turned on its head a little bit. Yeah. Because, like, you're you're watching him race to Wallace as they're fighting, and it's almost like, can they save him?
01;07;48;09 - 01;08;14;27
But you know that there's no saving him because he's just gone. And so, yeah, I guess you're just rooting for him to to, to win the fight, I guess. Against. Yeah. Howard. And then Howard cheats. Yeah. He ripped out of his suit. Oh, yeah, I, I had respect for Howard. Yeah. And then until that moment. And then he cheated the way, he.
01;08;14;29 - 01;08;40;28
And it's not like. It's not like Wallace was, you know, in premium condition. It had multiple operations, relatively recently. Yeah. And I have no legs. And you still have to cheat. Yeah. Howard not only had the upper hand, he was the only one with hands. I forgot that he has no legs in that suit. Yeah. Yeah, it, it was a saddened me.
01;08;41;00 - 01;09;03;03
Yeah, yeah, I agree, I was a real piece of shit. And you don't realize until. Yeah, well, even you realize that Howard now, like, doesn't even believe his own philosophy. That man is a walrus, all right? Because he's like, I'm in this walrus, and he's like, fuck, I can't not be a man. And so he rips out of it and, well, there's that futility again, is like, he even can't.
01;09;03;05 - 01;09;22;14
He's still man at the end of the day. Like he can't help himself. Yeah, he is the true monster. Goddamn Tusk. Makes you think this movie really makes you think, doesn't it? Makes you think about a lot of stuff that you think about, a lot of stuff you don't want to ever think about, or never thought or never even considered you'd ever think about.
01;09;22;17 - 01;09;41;21
They also recognized what this really quickly. They did it. Yeah, I was wondering that too. I thought they were going to come in and it was going to be like, oh shit, monster, kill it quick! And it was going to be very reactive. Right. It was not like it was just. Yeah, not like, what the fuck is this skin suit thing?
01;09;41;21 - 01;10;03;06
Walrus looking motherfucker. What? Yeah. And I think he would initially try and peel him out. Yeah, I think he was just in it, and he can't say, don't do that because he's got no tongue. Yeah. Oh, see, that's a great idea. Like cutting him open. Like pulling at the stitches only to see the flesh underneath all the packing.
01;10;03;11 - 01;10;23;13
Those are. Oh, the. Yeah. Yeah. It makes you think like, what was it like? Because I never even thought about, got done. I'm glad you're on this episode because you really got me thinking about some, some some details in this movie. Sorry. No, no, no, no, it's like it's like damn. Like. Yeah. Like what was in that suit?
01;10;23;13 - 01;10;48;28
Like, did he pack it with it? Was it like, more flesh from other people or was it like, well, put a hose in it. It put if it was water, even if it wasn't like organic material, that still is disturbing because you're like, even less human. You're like now artificial and. Yeah. Yeah, that's that's, like little things.
01;10;48;28 - 01;11;10;12
I don't want to get too hung up on, like, like, oh, if only they had done this. But even if they wanted to heighten the, the horror elements like we were talking earlier about how like, you know, you he can't talk anymore, imagine how fucked up it would have been to have seen the scene where Howard, like, removes like, or cuts his vocal cords or something.
01;11;10;13 - 01;11;33;03
Like I've said, his tongue or like stuff like that to, like, remind you, like we're laughing at how insane this is, but also this is truly like a horror movie. Yeah, yeah. And now we're on our you know, we had just briefly mentioned it. This is our sixth and final reveal is where Teddy and Ali and Guy finally see who while while while while Wallace.
01;11;33;03 - 01;11;54;23
While walrus Wallace. And you know, they they see the monster that he has become, you know, inevitably, because he's just he was always kind of a monster, and rescuing him would have been killing him. But they they do a more traditional rescue, and they put him in a fucking zoo. Which prison and worst enclosure.
01;11;54;25 - 01;12;16;22
Yeah. God, yeah, I would have rather stay for a while, so it doesn't really move. Yeah, I don't my brain struggle. It just had Big gulp cups everywhere. And but they also fed him fish like I don't I don't think he wants the fish. He ate it. He did. That's how they got it. Oh. Who would you call for the, to report the maltreatment?
01;12;16;24 - 01;12;41;22
Yeah. Would that be animal? Animal control? Feral? Yeah. Yeah. Maybe that's why no one steps in. Because no one has any, not my jurisdiction. Call it. Yeah, yeah. Well, yeah. Was someone, like, running that part? Was that, like an abandoned building with someone, like, just do it. Like what? The first. And almost like Howard was more also, like, decent to him than they are.
01;12;41;22 - 01;13;14;29
They put him in this location. Why did he have to be in an enclosure? Exactly. What are they not. He's not Loris. Well, yeah, they and they should have left him in fucking Howard saying they had like, noises and an atmosphere. Right. I would also it's worth arguing that given like modern technology and I'm sure it would have been expensive, but maybe they could have like scaled back the walruses a little bit, you know, because something he would have maybe been a, you know, unable to walk and all that, but like something like take care.
01;13;15;00 - 01;13;36;05
Because here's the thing. Like the walrus tibia is out of his mouth. Jesus. He was within the walrus suit. The lawsuit was built around him. Yeah. Which means that his skin is not the outer part of the walrus suit. So his skin and his body is still within that walrus suit. So he is walrus because of his hands and legs.
01;13;36;05 - 01;13;54;17
But that's right. Right. Yeah. Right. They could have cut it open and got all the packing peanuts out of it. And probably some could pull them out. Hey, you got flippers for the rest of your life, but it's better than being in a, like, a skin bag. Yeah, and, you know, like, he didn't have a tongue, but he didn't have to go all the time.
01;13;54;19 - 01;14;24;11
You know, this is the one time I'll ever say, like, thank God for artificial intelligence, because they could have used. I've seen AI technology used for people who have trouble speaking or can't speak, and they were able to to to create a kind of artificial voice for them. Yeah, there's a, there's a future for well, I think he was, you know, that that whole thing, you know, was embracing, you know, he you think he I think you were led to believe that he has gone full walrus.
01;14;24;17 - 01;14;46;28
Right. He's a goner, however, and they offered him these options. He said no. However, it ends with him shedding a tear, which he had said was really meant that, like, he doesn't cry crying for babies, right? And animals can't cry. And so that's the thing that separates us, right? And and Allie's whole thing is that, you know, her grandpa said, no, it's good to cry out.
01;14;46;28 - 01;15;07;28
So it separates us from the animals. And you know, and then we finally see walrus Jesus just he shed the tears and you say, we will accept. Yeah. Whatever his name is. He he shed a tear at the end. Whatever this abomination is, and truly, did you guys notice the beachball just floating around in that? It's just.
01;15;08;03 - 01;15;29;10
Of course, of course, for fun. And it's up for that. For fun, give him a TV at the very. I want to see him play with the Jesus Ball. Yeah, honestly, I think it would have been really funny if they would have shown him just having a great time. Yeah, totally. So while swimming in the podcast in the pitch, they kind of mentioned that where he's more embracing.
01;15;29;17 - 01;15;48;05
I think that they had, dialed back on that a little bit to make it a little more disturbing. Yeah, the movie. Yeah. But, I did wonder, do you think they don't put him out of his misery because Alison and Teddy, like, secretly hate Wallace? So they're sort of urging him? I don't think so. Dang. I don't know.
01;15;48;07 - 01;16;12;03
No, I, I think that they're just very sad. They could have got him a female walrus. They could. Yeah, exactly. There are, Yeah. The sequel. Tusk to the mating. I mean, I know we keep talking about moose Jaws, and you had mentioned that the two clerks from this movie were in Yoga Hosers, and you say, did you say they're coming back for moose shots?
01;16;12;03 - 01;16;38;02
That I do not know. Okay. I was going to say if there is a like a guy character through lines, I feel like Kevin Smith is at the very least talking to Justin Long to say, like, can we get one shot of you for some reference to you? Well, okay. So according to IMDb, there are five cast members for Moose, Jaws, Kevin Smith, Genesis Rodriguez who plays out in this movie.
01;16;38;04 - 01;17;02;21
There's no characters listed. It just actors. So Kevin Smith, and Jason Mewes, so I'm assuming Jay and Silent Bob will make an appearance in Moose Jaw. Son. Harley Quinn Smith, who plays, you know, one of the clerks that we said. And then, Harley Morton. Stein. Morgan Stein, who was, Epic Meal Time guy who, you know, we skipped over his little scene in this movie.
01;17;03;09 - 01;17;28;19
But he played the border agent when, when Wallace goes to, to Canada and he's got a great. We will put a link in the show notes to. Yeah. He was an epic meal time, which was a YouTube show. But, what if what if Moose Jaws is just, it's takes place, like, minutes after this movie ends and Alice is driving back and a moose just comes in.
01;17;28;19 - 01;17;52;14
It is. Crashes into the car. Eddie's dead. That's how he's not in the cast. Maybe he's killed offscreen. Is her finding Jane silent Bob in there to continue with fighting against this giant moose? That would be wild. But, you know, from, like, a filmmaking standpoint, one of the things I love is the resourcefulness of these low budget movies.
01;17;53;06 - 01;18;10;12
Because like that airport scene where he's like, going through Border Patrol, whatever was just in, like a hotel conference room. Yeah. And they just, like, put some stuff on the walls and shot it in a certain way where it's like, I mean, it's not like, super detailed scene, but it's kind of like, oh, yeah.
01;18;10;12 - 01;18;32;13
I never picked up on that. Just my brain just assumed he was going through customs and didn't think about it. But yeah, it's just a, it's just in a conference room that they just decked out in, like a Canadian flag, and that's it. Love that. That was fun. And, guys, that's it. That's Tusk. That's our six official reveals, for Tusk.
01;18;32;13 - 01;18;44;09
And, now it's time to choose our favorite, official reveal in Kevin Smith's best.
01;18;44;11 - 01;18;59;18
Going on here. I don't believe it. Anyone that that's how they can just. They're on this goddamn foreign.
01;18;59;20 - 01;19;28;02
Here we go. I'm going to do a speed round recap of our official reveals. And, I do have some subtitles for these, so here we go. Oh, great. Our first official reveal. Wallace pops his t cherry. He is drinking the tea, and he says, oh, because he I see. Yeah. And so that's the first time that we find out that that Howard Howe is a bad guy, and then, t pops him back, T pops him back.
01;19;28;14 - 01;19;49;03
Number two is the itsy bitsy spider. I do love when he goes into that whole thing. It's so creepy. And it's just like he's. And then he stands up and he's like, even when he's, like, yelling back fucking Wallace is just, like, screaming for his life. And Howard starts screaming back to and you realize that like, like nobody's going to hear you, right?
01;19;49;03 - 01;20;12;08
Yeah. And in, you know, in my attempt to insert Pee-Wee Herman into any episode that we do, I'm going to succeed in this because it's almost like when he goes to the Francis's house and he says, go ahead and scream your head off. We're miles from where anyone can hear you. Just in the fucking bathroom. In Canada, no one can hear you scream.
01;20;12;10 - 01;20;31;20
In Canada, no one can hear you scream. Number three is better to be a walrus. We find out that while Wally has now been enclosed in this volume. Yeah, I'm just going to go with Wally because it's right in the middle. Well, he's good. Almost by the end of this episode, I have figured out that just saying Wally is is good.
01;20;33;12 - 01;20;55;04
So yeah, that was number three. Better to be a walrus. Number four, Gregory gum tree and his poo teeny weeny. This is when. This is when, Gila point once again. Zach, you are fired and meet Howard for the first time. But he doesn't realize it. But they do talk about poutine, and that it just gives him the the worst shits.
01;20;55;04 - 01;21;21;16
So, number five is simply titled Tusk, because, we've got the song Tusk. We're in our walrus fight. And then number six, Ali, Teddy and Guy meet the new, new Wallace. Because according to Ali, she was in love with old Wallace. She doesn't like new Wallace. But now there is a new, new Wallace. Those are our six official reveals, for Tusk.
01;21;21;25 - 01;21;41;21
Casey, let's start with you. What is your what is your favorite reveal in desk? I don't really have a reason why, but it's the Tusk one. When the. With the song and the fighting. Okay. Yeah. I mean, that might be my favorite scene in the movie. I. I yeah, I loved it. Yeah. Do you have a favorite reveal?
01;21;41;23 - 01;22;19;00
I think mine would have to be the, the insurgency spider thing. I can't remember the title. You'd give it a short section? Yeah, yeah. You bitsy spider. Yep. That was the scariest part of the film, was to see the insanity of the chap. Yeah, but, yeah, the mimicking him scream and stuff. I think that is. That's quite terrifying concept that no matter how much you were to shout, you are out of reach of help.
01;22;19;03 - 01;22;47;24
Yeah. Someone demonstrating the. Look, I can do it, too. And I'm not scared of me screaming. Yeah, I think if I was screaming in someone else, that was my captor. Did the same thing, screamed at the same volume as me. I'll just stop. I'll be okay, I get it. I'm. Yeah. That's dumb. Fuck, yeah. You know, Casey has mentioned sometimes on these shows where we talk about, well, we'll do a, segment later called Would You Survive?
01;22;47;26 - 01;23;03;16
Casey realizes that, you know, sometimes her will to live isn't that great. So she would just give up. You know, it's kind of like that where it's like, well, hell no. If he's screaming to and no one's going to, just fucking take me home. See, I would just do the outside. Keep screaming just to tire myself out and hopefully fall asleep sooner.
01;23;03;16 - 01;23;29;14
And. Okay, there you go. It's getting. Casey would not have tried to swim. Just. No, no, no, I'll talk about it even more in a minute. Here. Well, yeah. But, I was gonna. I can say something. Don. You reminded me of something when you said that, Oh, that's what it was in the in the scene where they where he meets them and he's telling them all the stories.
01;23;29;14 - 01;23;54;06
He talks about being lost at sea, and he says, like, I was terrified. And he's like, you probably have been scared in your lifetime. But you've never known true terror. And, now he he does. Yeah, yeah. Which, Danny, what is your favorite reveal in Tusk? Mine. I was surprised by this. Mine's the same as Dan's.
01;23;54;06 - 01;24;18;14
It's the dinner table scene. Okay. The spider chat is when Wallace realizes. And I guess we realize how fucked up Howard is. Yeah, just goes back. That's just my biggest fear. That's the reason. That's what scared me about this movie to begin with. It was less about body horror. It was more about losing your ability to, you know, to have autonomy.
01;24;18;16 - 01;24;44;09
That's just I hate it. It just makes me. It makes my skin crawl. My walrus skin crawl, Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, good. That is a great scene. It's a really good scary movie. My favorite is number our our third reveal. A better to be a walrus. This is when we first see Wally in the, in the walrus suit.
01;24;44;11 - 01;25;03;20
And, I remember seeing it in the theater, and I think for me, it's like it had such, like, a, like, an impact on my, in the world of horror and, you know, my return to horror and everything. And I was like, dude, seeing it in the theater, seeing him in that suit for the first time, it was just like, so fucking wild.
01;25;03;20 - 01;25;21;28
And I loved that. This was just like a, just a simple, like, monster movie. You know, Casey, you had said earlier at the beginning of this, like, there's not much to this movie. It's pretty straightforward. And, I love it. It was just like a low budget, you know, Kevin Smith is. And Smith called it, I meant to I set this up earlier.
01;25;21;28 - 01;25;43;28
I should pay it off now. Is he he calls it a cuddly, cuddly or version of the Human Centipede. Okay. Yeah. But, you know, he's he's built a career out of the low budget filmmaking. And I love that this was just a low budget, straight up monster movie creature feature. And, you know it. I started after this.
01;25;43;28 - 01;26;04;27
I started writing some stuff. Casey, you might remember I had, like, this little script that I wanted to do about, like, bird people, which was kind of weird, but, And you told me about that, too. But, you know, that was kind of this has kind of sparked that and, yeah. So, so that's my favorite reveal, just because of the impact it had on me personally.
01;26;06;20 - 01;26;13;14
All right. Well, now it's time for a segment that we like to call the real monster.
01;26;13;16 - 01;26;35;23
Run, run, run as fast as you can, okay? Me? I'm the gingerbread man. You're a monster. I'm not a monster. Here you are. You and the rest of that fairy tale crash poisoning my perfect world. Now tell me, where are the others? Eat me. Oh, you're. I'm going to start us off because I don't have a real monster for this movie.
01;26;35;23 - 01;26;58;26
Because I fucking love this movie. But I'm going to say that Wallace is the real monster because he's just so obvious for obvious reasons. You know, each time I watch this movie, like I find more and more reasons why he's such a piece of shit and that he deserves to be fucking in this walrus costume. So yeah, Wallace is my is my real monster.
01;26;58;26 - 01;27;20;23
And if I was going to pick, something else, I'd probably pick Gila Hunt for squishing his slider, his burger slime, in case he puts it on the table. On the on the fucking gross. Like, fast food. Yeah. There's no paper on the fucking. No, there was, there wasn't, there was not. He takes it off of the tray or off of his thing.
01;27;20;25 - 01;27;40;00
Puts it on the and you table a real monster. And he squishes all this I that's just I'm realizing it right now. So. Okay, so now he squishes it. So we've got the the slider on the table. The half eaten apple on the table and the chocolate bunny on the floor. Yep. That's my it's a real that's my real monster trifecta right there.
01;27;40;00 - 01;28;06;13
That's my real monster trilogy. Is food on the food on the floor or on a quest to test? Danny, let's go to you. What's your real monster for? For test, I agreed, I have none. This is just like. This is like the kind of you getting this. It's okay. No, I did an ed. One is ringtones we used for them.
01;28;06;15 - 01;28;26;23
Now you run from them? Yeah. Feel like that's a lyric from a song I used to run. Now I'm running. What's that song? It's an Aids song, and it's, Oh, well, I know you for breaking, right? Yeah, I used to. Yeah. Wallace. For breaking urinal etiquette. Even though there is no one there. He PS in the middle.
01;28;26;25 - 01;28;48;11
I know that the one that's broken. Oh, I get on that piece of shit. Yeah. He's awful. He's like little things like, you don't do that. Yeah. Podcasters. Yeah. Or monsters. Yeah. We just the bane of existence. It's kind of like watching it and, like, seeing them, you know? I know I was like, I haven't watched this movie since we started this show.
01;28;48;16 - 01;29;10;15
And so, like, I do hate myself watching them do that stuff like, oh, God, we fucking cringe. Like, is this so bad? I was like, I feel like we have some self-awareness. And, you know, it's like self-deprecating. But. But I'm sure Wallace likes that, too. Me specifically for being jealous that Wallace quote made 100 grand in ads alone.
01;29;10;17 - 01;29;38;05
I was like, oh yeah, I like that you. And then finally, the true real monster is Ernest Hemingway for inadvertently inspiring Howard. Oh, need to do it? Sure. In terms of how we constitute a real monster on this podcast, gotta go with, yeah. Anyway. Damn you, Ernest. Don, do you have any real monsters for Teske?
01;29;38;19 - 01;29;51;02
I'll have to go with, having, outlets in a bathroom.
01;29;51;04 - 01;30;19;21
That's bathrooms. Oh, yeah. Sure. That's not okay. And I was I would probably go with the special effects department for not making it clear on what the suit was packed with. Gotcha. Oh, I need answers. Yeah, yeah, this is it. Okay. Yeah. My brain needs to know what is in sensitive mind. If it's blubber. Oh yeah.
01;30;20;03 - 01;30;42;29
Yeah. We just need to know. Packing peanuts. Let me know what it is. Yeah. That's it. Yeah. That's it. Can you imagine. That's where the mystery comes from. Dance. Well no. Like what if like, you know Howard puts him in the suit but he doesn't pack it with anything. And so it's just like floppy and like, like, like just the skin and the tail and everything is just like.
01;30;43;02 - 01;30;57;14
It's like the size of your transformation. Like the episode of family Guy where, Peter wishes he didn't, that bones is a genie, and a guy's about to punch him, and he says, I wish I had bones. And then.
01;30;57;16 - 01;31;22;10
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, those are good. Those are good. Real monsters on Casey. What do you got? My first one is Wallace is Will to live, because. What the fuck? Yeah. True. Yeah, that's a great one. Give up. That's ridiculous. He wasn't full walrus yet. You know, he he knows what it's for. He knows what the what the suit is full of.
01;31;22;10 - 01;31;44;25
He knows what's in there. You know, keeping him alive. Maybe. Maybe there's, like, people in there. He's like, I am. I can't kill myself because then they'll die. And here's the thing. Even even after even after he's taken to this, wherever he ends up, if you still want to live, you just have big gulps and raw fish all the time.
01;31;44;28 - 01;32;08;27
You're good. I don't know, kind of, I don't I, I can't get down with it. So that's one. My second one is Howard. How's, lack of creativity when coming up with a name? I'm sorry, Mr. Tusk. No, I his name was Wallace, which was obvious already. Very close to walrus. This man is going by Howard Howe.
01;32;09;18 - 01;32;30;17
I don't know. Do something funny. There's something there. Wally Morrison. Howard the how? I don't like people who name their animals. And. Sorry, guys, if you're any of these people who name their animals, things that have to do with, like when cats have white paws and they name them mittens. Come on. Hey, is, Mr. White Paws?
01;32;30;22 - 01;32;50;16
We want something a little. We want something a little more creative here. We want something a little more fun. Your cat is is your pet. And they want to have a cool name. Do you think people names is okay for your pets? I'd let Bart and Archie are my cats names. Yes, I love people names. My dog is named after a town and a person's name.
01;32;50;19 - 01;33;16;27
Oh, yeah. So the town in Massachusetts. And it's a character, actually, from Fright Night, which I just watched the other night. Brewster. Yeah. Yeah, so I do, but those are my two. That's it. Okay. Those are great. Thanks. Thanks, Zach. Yeah. You're welcome. All right. Well, now it's time for our final segment. Would you survive Kevin Smith?
01;33;16;29 - 01;33;20;03
Yes.
01;33;20;05 - 01;33;39;25
And here we go. Absolutely not. No. You just. Yeah. We we we do it. You and we talk a lot about. You would need that. Well, that outlet in your bathroom to to throw the toaster. Would we need an outlet in the enclosure for the toaster. Yeah. Because I'm not. Yeah. Yeah. His, his little thing needs an outlet.
01;33;40;01 - 01;34;00;20
Yeah, yeah. We we've we've talked about this on the podcast before where it's like it's the point of entry for this. Like, what are we surviving? Would we survive if we were already walruses or would we survive in this situation? Yeah. Go into this man's house in the first. That's that's that's yeah. But yeah, it did there.
01;34;00;23 - 01;34;16;20
Yeah. I said I would survive because this interview would be over zoom and I just wouldn't. Yeah. You know, like, I also just wouldn't pay for it. I'm assuming. Howard maybe maybe Howard paid for the airfare, but, Yeah, we just do this. I would do it the way we're doing this right now. This would be zoom.
01;34;16;22 - 01;34;40;27
So, Don, if you had any intentions of turning me into a walrus, we we stopped by this. Okay? You'd be a cat. There you go. Oh, hell yeah. Oh, yeah. I keep hearing what I thought was a human purring in the background. I guess it makes sense. It all checks out. Yeah, I don't know. I don't think, Danny, I'm kind of with you and Casey as well.
01;34;40;27 - 01;35;00;13
I don't think I would even go to the house. Yeah. You know, the reason that he went to Canada in the first place was to make fun of that kid. And I don't think that. I don't think I would get that far. I don't typically like to make fun of people. But if I did end up in a walrus suit, somehow.
01;35;00;13 - 01;35;28;26
Yeah, I think I would just either either not eat the fish and just starve or. Don, do you think. How far would you get? Would you, would you go to the interview? Yeah, I think I'm the same as you guys in regards to. I'll probably wouldn't end up going, but if I did, I certainly wouldn't be standing on his fireplace or playing with the walrus penis.
01;35;31;08 - 01;35;50;08
Just being rude in general. I'd be quite a nice guest. I've also got quite a high tolerance for alcohol, so I think you would need to get a cup of tea. Yeah. Anyway, so it wouldn't be a surprise. I'd be like, this tastes like. Yeah, you taste like not drinking your tea. Some strangers, I know it.
01;35;50;08 - 01;36;19;29
Taste. This isn't. Oh, great. That's how it is. So. But if for some reason I did manage to get dropped and I lost a leg, I. At that point, if I grew suspicious, the. He was the person who cut it off. I'm quite young and healthy, so I think even a one legged me would do quite a good job of fighting off.
01;36;19;29 - 01;36;40;23
Yeah, the aged man. Yeah, yeah. So yeah, I think up until that point. But if all that went wrong, then yeah, I would just, like his head retracted into the suit. I'll just do that until I suffocate. Yeah.
01;36;40;25 - 01;37;06;04
You're way back in. Yeah, yeah. The I guess the equivalent of, like, a body for skin. Yeah. So, like, how did he died? Like he drowned in water? No. In himself, it is a skin. His own body. That's it. But, I would. Yeah, I give up hope, I think. Oh, yeah. That's why. Yeah. Or move your old to never drink tea in a stranger's house.
01;37;06;12 - 01;37;35;29
Yeah, yeah. Get out. That should have been in screens already done the list. Yeah. That's true. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everyone's like that. Should. Everything has been really brought up until the tea reference and he's like, don't drink tea. Don't sell the book of. I don't drink tea, don't drink tea. All right. The worst the worst part of that as well is do you know how he got the letter for the advert off the toilet?
01;37;35;29 - 01;37;53;17
Well, first of all, you wouldn't take something off of the toilet. Yeah, that was been on the toilet all right. Thank you. Right. I don't know if anyone else noticed, but it had the tearing off tabs at the bottom. Yeah. Oh, and he just took the whole thing. He took the whole thing? How? It should have fucking killed him right there.
01;37;53;17 - 01;38;19;02
I'd be like, dude, you fucking took my whole ad. Like, that's what the complaint. Very rude. Yeah. Okay, I have one final note. I don't know, like, what an idea. I guess, to kind of make it a little more full circle at the end is we were because we were talking about kind of how, like, he exploits people, and that's how he got himself into this mess in the first place.
01;38;19;04 - 01;38;36;00
Ted would would've been fun if at the end, it was treated more like a zoo, where people maybe like a underground dark web zoo. Like you have to know a guy to know a guy to get to this thing. But for people to be kind of watching and laughing at him, at his tactical. Yeah. Like having a little fun.
01;38;36;03 - 01;38;52;22
Not a big deal. I just it just popped my head in. I wanted to mention it before we, we closed the book. He certainly got what he deserved. Yeah, yeah, there was, like, some other people that are just kind of, like, laughing and pointing. Oh, we the. Are we the audience laughing at his expense? This movie was made for the audience, you know.
01;38;52;25 - 01;39;16;23
Totally. Podcast. So yeah, it's a in a way we got that. Yeah. That's it you guys. That's Tusker. We finally did it. Danny, thank you for finally, for finally, putting up the nerve to watch it. That was our first movie in our Mad scientist triple feature. Casey, your movie is up next. What are we watching?
01;39;16;26 - 01;39;39;19
Oh, we are watching the 1996 Island of Doctor Moreau. Some another animal fucking like, I haven't seen it, but I know it's like experimenting with animals and and, putting people together and, the late, great Val Kilmer. And, I'm going to say the late Marlon Brando because I think he was kind of a piece of shit.
01;39;39;21 - 01;40;04;29
Yeah. But, Yeah, I'm excited to see that. Done. Have you ever seen The Island of Doctor Moreau? I haven't, I'm gonna have to watch it before I listen to the episode. Sure. Yeah. So. Good. Okay. I should probably say the same. Should probably way, but I didn't avoid it again. It's the kind of a movie that I avoided because of, like, my Tusk aversion and all that, but, I just never felt the pool.
01;40;04;29 - 01;40;27;19
But I'm actually kind of excited about it. Yeah, yeah, I've always been curious, and I. And I like that time frame because that was like, if I'm not mistaken, that was like when Val Kilmer did, what is it? The line in the darkness. Is that what it is? Oh, yeah. No, the the the ghosts and the ghosts and the ghosts with, with my with Michael Douglas about the lion, in Africa.
01;40;27;19 - 01;40;47;16
And, that was a good movie. So I like that time period. I'm excited to see it. Yeah. Done. Can you remind our listeners, about your the title of your book and where they can find it? Yep. Sure. So it's, Midnight Harvest. It's available on Amazon. You can buy a paperback. You can also get it on Kindle.
01;40;47;29 - 01;41;16;16
It's available as an audiobook on audible. It's exclusive to audible. And like I said, it's a series of, short stories that they all have a very, very different scare point. So if you're so you're into, like body horror or if you're into that, there's, there's something for everyone when it comes to like reading it and they're all very short.
01;41;17;18 - 01;41;39;22
You can probably read each story within 20 minutes or so. So that is bite sized. And you can flip in a chapter or a short story between books if you, you know, if you just wanted a little something, a little bit scary, a little bit creepy, there's nothing too, too scary about them. But they are very make you feel very uneasy.
01;41;40;00 - 01;42;06;02
So that's one, so yeah. Well, what like again, like I said, we'll put, links to those, to that book in the show notes so you guys can check that out. Where can our listeners find you guys on social media if anybody wants to follow around? So Instagram is probably the best place. I have got accounts in most, most of the social media, but, I tend to just post on to Instagram and, and share that with the other platforms.
01;42;06;02 - 01;42;29;20
So it's not. Yeah. Formatted very well for like Twitter or anything short, as I call it now. But my Instagram is done underscore Campbell underscore author. Okay. Awesome. Cassie. What about you? I am on Instagram at Wolf mother. Cassie. All right, Danny, go ahead and embarrass yourself. I'm on Instagram in blue sky. At my name, Danny Salem.
01;42;29;20 - 01;42;38;21
It's Dia and y Sally. My two M's like the candy melt in your. But not in your hands.
01;42;38;24 - 01;42;56;07
I just like, you know, you say that every fucking time. And I was just listening to it, and I was just thinking of, like, the sheer ridiculousness. Yeah. It's so funny. Like Don, who has never heard it before. He's here as, guest. Danny, if you had a time machine, you wouldn't go back and change like. No, I'd say no.
01;42;56;10 - 01;43;14;00
I was so that you said that and keep your fucking mouth shut. I was like, don't do it. Still. Don't do it. You can find me on social media at that. Going sick. Make sure to follow how I Met Your Monster on your favorite podcast platform. And, we'll see you again for the Island of Doctor Moreau.
01;43;14;02 - 01;44;09;13
And, thank you all for listening. Don, thank you for joining us. And good luck with the book. Good luck with future books. And, we hope to have you on again sometime. And until that time, thank you all for listening. Now, go meet some monsters.